Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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