I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
