Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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