I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
