i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
