Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
