If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
