actually, I'm a sock model
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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