We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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