Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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