to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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