the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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