You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
