Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there's paper in my vomit.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
