dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
