Michael Bay diarrhea
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
birth control should be required to get into college
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
