In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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