I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
