So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
