Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
