got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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