I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
