called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
