I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
