Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
