Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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