Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
