my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
