I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
