Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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