shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
