Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
