If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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