I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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