Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
