Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
