I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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