dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
