I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
