I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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