if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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