did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
