Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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