I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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