i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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