you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
