Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
