WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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