Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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