the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
