So drunk its hurt
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
