I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
