And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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